When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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