yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
