Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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