Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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