you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
