it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
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you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
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And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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