and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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