Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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