walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
