Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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