just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
