I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
