Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
