That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
