to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
we made out on top of his cat.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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