i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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