worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
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He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
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Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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