Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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