walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
