im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you would pick up someone in the library
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
