If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You coming home soon, man?
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False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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