You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
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In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
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I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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