And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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