Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
