He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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