worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
