I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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