i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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