oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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