Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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