come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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