if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
