You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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