I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
