If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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