i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
