Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
