It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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