So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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