My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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