I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
