I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
