I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
