My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.