ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Me too!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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