He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
