I have demons in me.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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