i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
