Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
