All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
