Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
