i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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