tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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