dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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