She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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