Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I need water and some morals
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
