i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
