I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Your cock deserves a montage
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
