I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
