explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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