Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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