Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
