Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
