The brown eye won't let me do that either.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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