Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
