I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
