I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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