Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
