Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
