what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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