i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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